Emotional Intelligence Toolkit - HelpGuide.org
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Emotional Intelligence Toolkit – HelpGuide.org

emotional intelligence

do you want to be happier and healthier? This free program offers tools to manage stress and emotions, improve your relationships, and balance your life.

Beach stones stacked on one side of sliver of driftwood that itself rests on larger stone, paradoxical stability

What is the toolkit and how does it work?

Have you ever felt that stress, anxiety, depression or anger controlled you? Do you often act impulsively, doing or saying things you know you shouldn’t do, only to regret it later? or do you feel disconnected from your feelings and emotionally numb? all of these could be signs that you need to work on developing your emotional intelligence (eq).

Reading: How to connect to your emotions

by learning to manage stress and emotions, you will not only improve the way you communicate with others, but you will also be able to get off the “emotional roller coaster”, balance the extremes in your moods and bring your life in balance this set of tools will show you how to do it.

The Help Guide Emotional Intelligence Toolkit is a step-by-step guide that can help you:

  • Change self-defeating moods and attitudes.
  • Manage stress and anxiety quickly.
  • Stay connected to what you feel and think.
  • fulfill your hopes and dreams.

why emotions matter

The toolkit is based on recent transformations that have taken place in the field of psychology. emotion is now at the heart of clinical theory and is seen as the basis of psychological change. now we also know that all our thoughts benefit greatly from having an emotional component.

As you develop the ability to better recognize and understand your own emotions, you’ll find it easier to appreciate how others feel, improve the way you communicate, and help your personal and professional relationships flourish. And as you balance stress and learn to tolerate even unpleasant emotions, you will find that your capacity to experience positive emotions has grown and intensified. you will find it easier to play, laugh and experience joy. no matter how stressed or emotionally out of control you feel right now, by using these tools, life can become lighter and brighter.

video: why emotions matter

Before we start learning the emotional intelligence skills that allow us to overcome stress and stay healthy and happy, it’s important to first take a look at the things we do that can block our ability to form new habits.

video: obstacles to notoriety

step 1: learn to relieve stress quickly

Being able to manage and relieve stress is the key to maintaining balance, focus and control, no matter what challenges you face in life. In addition to helping you deal with day-to-day stressors, employing quick stress relief techniques will also help balance your nervous system when you practice the meditation portion of this toolkit.

There are countless techniques to deal with stress. talking face-to-face with an understanding friend, exercise, yoga, and meditation, for example, are great ways to relieve stress and anxiety. But it may not be practical (or even possible) to go for a run or meditate when you’re exhausted from your morning commute, stuck in a stressful meeting at work, or fried from another argument with your spouse. for situations like these, you need something more accessible. That’s where quick stress relief comes in.

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quick stress relief

The best way to quickly reduce stress is to take deep breaths and use your senses (what you see, hear, smell, taste and touch) or through relaxing movement. By looking at a favorite photo, smelling a specific scent, listening to a favorite piece of music, trying a piece of gum, or hugging a pet, for example, you can quickly relax and focus.

[read: fast stress relief]

Of course, not everyone responds to every sensory experience in the same way. The key to fast stress relief is to experiment and discover the unique sensory experiences that work best for you.

video: fast stress relief

step 2: build emotional intelligence (eq)

emotional intelligence (eq) is the ability to identify, understand, and use your own emotions in positive ways to relieve stress and anxiety, communicate effectively, empathize with others, overcome challenges, and defuse conflict. When it comes to happiness and success in your relationships, career, and personal goals, EQ matters as much as the more well-known IQ.

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Emotional intelligence is commonly defined by four attributes:

  1. self-management: you are able to control impulsive feelings and behaviors, manage your emotions in a healthy way, take initiative, follow through on commitments, and adapt to changing circumstances.
  2. self-awareness: you recognize your own emotions and how they affect your thoughts and behavior. knows their strengths and weaknesses, and is self-confident.
  3. Social Awareness: You can understand other people’s emotions, needs, and concerns, detect emotional cues, feel comfortable socially, and recognize power dynamics in a group or organization.
  4. relationship management: can develop and maintain good relationships, communicate clearly, inspire and influence others, work well in team and manage conflicts.

many of us are disconnected from our emotions, especially strong emotions like anger, sadness, fear, because we have been taught to try to turn off our feelings. But while you can deny or numb your feelings, you can’t eliminate them. they are still there whether you are aware of them or not. and even unpleasant emotions can have beneficial aspects. sadness can support emotional healing, for example, fear can trigger life-saving action, and anger can mobilize and inspire.

[read: improve emotional intelligence]

Unfortunately, without being connected to all of your emotions, you cannot manage stress, fully understand your own behavior, or properly control how you think and act. But whatever your circumstances or challenges, the skills to improve your equalization and manage your emotions can be learned at any time.

video: developing emotional awareness

step 3: practice riding the wild horse meditation

many of us struggle to control our emotions. our feelings can often seem like a wild horse, full of fear and uncontrolled energy. they can cause you to freeze, snap, or shut down, making it hard to think rationally and causing you to say and do things you later regret. o You can do your best to avoid difficult emotions by:

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Being distracted by obsessive thoughts, meaningless entertainment, and addictive behaviors. Watching television for hours, drinking, gambling, overeating, playing computer games, and compulsively using smartphones or the internet are common forms of avoid dealing with your feelings.

Stay in an emotional response that you feel comfortable with, no matter what the situation calls for. for example, constantly joking around to hide insecurities or getting angry all the time to avoid feeling sad or anxious.

Shut down or shut out intense emotions. If you feel overwhelmed by your emotions, you can cope with them by numbing yourself. you may feel completely disconnected from your emotions, as if you no longer have feelings at all.

Instead of trying to ignore strong emotions, you can accept and tame them by taking charge and learning to manage them. This is where the riding the wild horse meditation comes into play. In addition to helping you relax, it also teaches you to control all your emotions, even the uncomfortable or overwhelming ones you’ve been trying to avoid. you will learn to cope with intense emotions, while maintaining control of the experience and control of your behavior.

initial meditation – 16 minutes

Learn to relax and open yourself up to discovering physical and emotional sensations throughout your body. Move to the intermediate meditation when you feel in tune with the feelings and sensations of your whole body.

intermediate meditation – 18 minutes

learn to identify the physical and emotional sensations in your body that stand out from the rest, that feel stronger or different. Move into deeper meditation when you are able to identify and focus on different or unusual sensations and feelings in your body.

deeper meditation – 24 minutes

learn to stay emotionally connected even in situations that make you feel uncomfortable or mildly stressed. Move to deeper meditation when you are able to remain calm and focused in such situations.

deeper meditation – 30 minutes

learn to stay focused, alert and emotionally aware at all times, even in the most stressful situations.

step 4: keep practicing and enjoy the benefits

It is important to continue practicing the ride the wild horse meditation until you can stay connected to your feelings and stay calm under the stress of your daily life. each time you practice meditation, you should feel a little more energized and a little more comfortable with your emotional experience. but do not rush the meditative process. you will absorb more if you move slowly. take the time to notice the little changes that add up to a life change.

At the end of each meditation, as you move your attention away from an exclusively internal focus and back to your day-to-day concerns, it is likely that you will have some awareness of what you feel. this means that you are integrating the process into your everyday life, which will give you a greater sense of control over your emotions. Of course, learning new skills takes time and effort, especially if your energy is sapped by depression, anxiety, or other challenges. But if you start small with small steps at the times of day when you have the most energy, learning a new set of skills may be easier than you think.

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practice, practice, practice. the more you repeat the meditations, the more comfortable you will feel with your emotions and the more change you will experience in your thoughts, feelings and actions. With regular practice, you can actually change your brain in ways that make you feel more confident, resilient, and in control.

[read: surviving tough times by building resilience]

set predictable challenges. try to practice your new emotional intelligence skills during predictable times of stress, when the stakes are low. for example, stay in tune with your body while doing chores or moving through heavy traffic.

Expect setbacks. Don’t lose hope if you slip back into old habits from time to time. happens. Instead of giving up after a setback, commit to starting over next time and learn from your mistakes.

When in doubt, come back to your body. If you’re having difficulty controlling your mood in a difficult situation, take a deep breath and apply quick stress relief.

talk to someone about your experience

try to find a person you can talk to about your experiences with meditation. what did you learn about yourself? what did you discover about your emotions? talking to someone face-to-face will help you retain what you’ve learned.

Video: Unexpected Rewards

frequently asked questions

How much time do I need to invest to ride the wild horse?

It takes 21-28 consecutive days to create a new habit, but if you do the process correctly and often, you’ll experience daily benefits. Because you want the process to become second nature to you, so you don’t “forget” to apply the skills in times of extreme stress, it may take a little longer.

What should I do if I initially feel something in one part of my body and a stronger sensation occurs in another part?

Always follow the intensity. focus on the strongest sensation you feel.

What if I feel nothing or just feel empty?

that’s normal. pay attention to the feeling of not feeling, or of being numb or empty.

I’m getting emotional during meditation, is this normal?

yes. releasing pent up feelings can be intense. if he cries, shakes, moans, or makes other sounds, remember to take a deep breath and stay focused. it’s okay to experience these emotions, as long as you can calm down and focus and feel in control of the process.

If after several attempts you still feel uncomfortable, it may be an indication of unresolved trauma from your past. consider consulting a trauma specialist.

about this toolkit

the emotional intelligence toolkit is based on the life empowerment work of helpguide co-founder dr. Juana Segal.

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